I am so drained, scared, and most of all I feel defeated. I am trying so hard, and everyday it seems a new war. I am completely off of paxil and my anxiety has been full force for 2 weeks now. Not my normal “oh I’m scared” This is in my gut “OH SHIT I’M FALLING OFF A BUILDING, RIGHT NOW!!!” My heart falls, the nausea has been the worst I have ever experienced. I can’t eat, without gagging….and smelling food is just as bad. I am still on 10 mg of prozac and pretty sure it’s not even helping, except for the wonderful fact I haven’t had any brain zaps. So maybe it is. I just asked for my life back, that’s all I wanted. It wasn’t a rock star life or a millionaire’s for that matter. I just wanted to love my family the same way they love me. Is that too much to ask? Now I just dread every single morning I open my eyes. And I am not a negative person, I have fought so hard to be positive. This is breaking me…I don’t want to go back to Paxil, but I also don’t want to live like this, or make my family live like this. I think I was a better wife and friend numb to all my emotions. Don’t get me wrong, it has been wonderful remembering things on my own and not stuttering to find words, and standing up for myself when needed. But this impending doom I feel almost 75% of my days is wearing me down to being ok with the zombified me. I started this because me and my husband wanted a better quality of life together, and I am hanging by a thread and so miss the days of “I don’t know and I don’t care” Kinda child like…But my emotions are working on overdrive, so I am trying to type it out and get through another day, hoping and praying for a brighter tomorrow. Sorry if this one is a little down, working on getting better…
<3 me
Hang in there… please!
I don’t know you, but I want to give you a big hug. HUG!
I have taken Prozac for over 10 years. It has been a life changer for me. Still, from talking with others, you often have to go through a few meds to find the right happy pill. I was lucky. I found mine on the first try.
Incidentally… I am in the process of coming off of the happy pill. I wrote my first post today about my journey.
thanks, Kevin
went back on a low dose of Paxil…not happy about it but feeling so much better…
thanks, Sheila…yes the new doc reinstated the valium …3 a day…which thats another monster in itself, but grateful I have something. Today is better, but I am considering going back on a low dose..bc this inside terror is hell…but the weight loss is nice when I actually care. but who knows, it truly is day by day. sometimes minute to minute. Yesterday I was convinced I was coming back to Paxil…and today, I’m having 2nd thoughts because I am handling my stuff really well today. But thank you, it is so nice to know that I have friends out there like you, that understands my craziness… thanks so much..
Hope you are still doing well…you are such a great help…
Hi
Yes I remember the inner debate as well, the shall I/shan’t I? about going back on the meds, and the weight loss because my stomach was in a permanent knot and I couldn’t get anything down my throat. You could maybe reinstate a lower dose of Paxil for a while and see if that does the trick, difficult to know, but I’m glad you have a better doctor now anyway. I am still doing well thanks, keep wondering if it’s going to bite me in the bum at some point but hopefully not if I keep it slow and steady. I know things are crap right now but as it’s New Years Eve I hope 2012 brings better things for you. I will be keeping an eye on you
Hi Cureina, I got up this morning and your blog post was on my Blackberry, reading it brought all the memories rushing back of the 24/7 dread/fear/anxiety/roller coaster ride and how crap it was and the desperation for relief and to just want to be able to sleep. (((big hug))) but at the same time so not wanting to “give in” and go back on the drug.
I can’t help thinking at this stage you should consider going back on the Paxil (I know you feel like shit having to do that) and stabilize and consider coming off liquid Paxil excrutiatingly slow. What happened with the Valium? did you get that reinstated? again ((((big hug))))from someone who knows how desperate you feel